Vanity, Vulcans & Verbicide


I missed the memo about vanity, vulcans, and verbicide.

Let’s just cut to the chase here…I got some bad Botox, folks.  I’m not an habitual Botox-er, but I have a Botox “connection” and with my birthday coming up, I thought I’d indulge in a little facial freshening.  I’d had Botox once before with great results, so I thought, “What could go wrong?”

Wellllllllll….

Because of my freakishly blonde eyebrows, the effect is kind of hard to photograph, but trust me, I look wickety wack.
 
A day after my Botox treatment, I noticed that I was taking on a vaguely Vulcan appearance.  My eyebrows, once basically horizontally oriented on my face, are now more diagonal.  The expression is one of unpleasant surprise, which is appropriate, as this is how I feel.
 
I called up my Botox-er and inquired  about my predicament and she told me that what I am experiencing is called…wait for it…”Spocking”.  No lie…there’s a name for this and that name is awesomely descriptive.  Apparently, I have ridiculously strong forehead muscles which have not completely surrendered to the neurotoxins to which I have subjected them.  They may relent in a day or two, but if not, the “cure” is, you guessed it, more Botox. 
 
When I was researching this phenomenon, which is kind of common apparently, e.g., Nicole Kidman, a lot of the people posting on Botox message boards prefaced their comments by saying:
 
 “I can’t believe I did this to myself.”    
 
Yup.  While I do think I look a little ridiculous,  I’m keeping the hysteria in check by telling myself that this is both temporary and not that big of a deal.  But I am feeling pretty foolish.   I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look good,  but I’m going to have to think a bit longer and harder about the price of my vanity.   Confronted with the prospect of “just another drop or two” of Botox to correct my extraterrestrial eyebrows, I’m now really conflicted.  If my brows do stay this way, part of me thinks I should just live with them for the next couple of months as a penance for my folly. Oh well, at least my frown lines are gone.
 
And incidentally, when I Googled “spocking”  I got a fantastically filthy surprise from urbandictionary.com. (I was comforted by knowing I was exhibiting an appropriate facial expression while reading this, however.)  Seriously, for any word you can think of,  someone has thought up a truly disgusting and/or hilarious meaning for it.  
 
So there you go.  I’ve learned a lesson in aging gracefully and lots of new dirty words.  Memo received.
 
 
 
 
 
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15 thoughts on “Vanity, Vulcans & Verbicide

  1. sheila clapkin July 27, 2011 / 10:40 am

    I vote that you will leave it be and not do it again, ever. Let us all know.

  2. Ashley July 27, 2011 / 11:15 am

    “The expression is one of unpleasant surprise, which is appropriate, as this is how I feel.”

    Dear, dear Jamie… I’m not laughing at you, but with you. How I revel in the simple clarity with which you describe your misadventures. (I am sure you look just as lovely as you always do, by the way.)

    • Jamie Walker Ball July 27, 2011 / 4:47 pm

      Thanks, guys. My husband tells me that if I would just stop scowling at him, I wouldn’t have to worry about wrinkles…Oh well, in the words of Dolly Parton: “Time marches on, and sooner or later, you realize that it is marching across your face.” So let’s strike up the band and enjoy the march, I suppose!

  3. Petula August 2, 2011 / 11:21 pm

    As this is my first visit here I will not tell you how much I chucked instead I hope that your brow relaxes (?) soon. I’ve never tried Botox and it’s little mishaps like this that I think prevent me from even considering it.

    • Jamie Walker Ball August 2, 2011 / 11:57 pm

      Hi Petula, Thanks for stopping by! Part of my problem, I think, is that I got a little greedy. The wrinkles on my forehead were barely noticeable. If I had just stuck with treating my scowl lines (between my eyes) and my crow’s feet, I woulnd’t have had this problem. Oh well, live and learn, and then get bangs!

  4. Jessica August 3, 2011 / 6:20 am

    Bummer. I”m not sure I can do botox. I would be too afraid of it turning out bad.

    • Jamie Walker Ball August 3, 2011 / 2:08 pm

      Eh, it’s like a bad haircut, really. It’s temporary, the problem comes when you get a result that you don’t like and then try other procedures to fix it. I shall let my face return to its wrinkly status quo ante and try not to get obsessed over every little line!

  5. Nancy Wurtzel August 10, 2011 / 12:10 am

    Jamie,
    It is so opportune that I read your post about the Botox…I have been seriously thinking about it but on the fence. Some years ago I did some fillers and the stuff migrated when I slept and “pooled” between my eyes. I woke up to find I had a significant “growth” pooching out — very odd looking and VERY obvious. I freaked out and literally got in the car and drove to the dermo and waited until they opened! Had to massage it and apply packs but it took weeks before It went away entirely. Traumatized, I’ve not tried anything since…but I’m in my mid-50s and need something. What’s a girl to do?? Hang in there…can’t really tell from the pic, but I know it is probably bothering you a lot.

    • Jamie Walker Ball August 10, 2011 / 2:39 am

      Yeah…it’s hard to see in pictures, but the thin skin of my eyelids is pulling up at a 45 degree angle…I’d always wanted more almond-shaped eyes, but this was not the effect I was hoping for! I still think that Botox and fillers are great options for making small but fantastic changes in the aging face, but sometimes the results aren’t perfect, and dems da berries, I suppose!

  6. Chloe August 11, 2011 / 6:49 am

    I have to admire your honesty. Having had one bad botox adventure I can say that it isn’t without its risks. Luckily it does go away in time. But I still think you look fabulous.

    • Jamie Walker Ball August 11, 2011 / 2:49 pm

      Thanks, Chloe. It’s 3 weeks and counting and it either I’m getting used to it, or my face is reverting to “normal” little by little. I really enjoyed meeting you too. I hope we can stay in touch!

  7. Michelle August 1, 2014 / 10:05 am

    This is my first visit to your blog and I landed on this post after following a link from a photo of a couple of WWF dudes in a flying elbow drop…
    a) While I found Smurfs, Spock and another classic from the ever- reliable urban dictionary, but where is the wrestling photo? It is a mystery. You made it up to me with a fantastically funny blog post, so thanks. Live long and prosper.
    b) I have my reasons for wanting a photo of a flying elbow drop.

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